I’ll make this short because you probably didn’t click on this to hear the entire back story… (if you did just keep an eye here you’ll see it all at some point!) you probably came to see if I’m saying something that you’ve heard or to add to my list, or maybe you’re a concerned friend or family member who wants to watch how you’re speaking to a woman you love who is at a different place or mindset in life. I have my rainbow baby now, but I’ll never forget that time in my life before her, and I’ll use that memory to make sure that every woman I come in contact with knows that I value her life at this point in time and she should too!
So here we are… 5 things to never say to a woman without kids.
- You don’t understand, you don’t have kids! (Maybe she wishes she understood… maybe not… but the ability to empathize with human situations is NOT reserved for humans with children! )
- Well I used to do that too before I had kids! (Please don’t minimize a woman’s accomplishments because she doesn’t have children! You do not know her situation. That being said, an accomplishment is an accomplishment. Let’s celebrate each other where we are!)
- When are you guys gonna have kids? (This isn’t always a choice… but sometimes it is! No one says “why DID you have kids?” So let’s not do the opposite either. Again… you don’t know her situation or whether she is holding back her tears until she gets to the car/shower/whatever her safe place is.)
- You think you’re tired now?! Wait till you have kids! (Sounds like you weren’t even talking about kids! Please, again… don’t minimize feelings based on your experiences. Tired is tired. Sad is sad. We all have feelings and if someone wants to share a hard time then let them! In my situation I was sometimes tired because I had a miscarriage and cried all night, hormones going crazy… but came in to work so no one would know. Yep. Sorry. That was tired.)
- You don’t know what you’re missing (by not having kids)! (You’re right, she doesn’t. and if she DOES want them then she is in agony more than you know thinking about what she’s missing, and if she DOESN’T, then you’re telling her she is less of a woman than you are or that she is selfish. We love our kids. We don’t need to push that on other people, again, when we don’t know their situations.)
I hate my miscarriages. I hate thinking about them. I hate thinking about what life would be like IF. I hate thinking about what their names would have been or what they would be like. But I love my life. I love that I am who I am because of those experiences and I love that now that I feel completely complete in myself I can help someone else. I wrote “You Can’t Buy a Rainbow” for ME. I illustrated it with my daughter for US. I published it for EVERYONE.